Monday, March 7, 2011

Coming unglued~

I had planned and wanted to post on Dubales's 6th month home, but you know things happen. He is now nearing the 7th month. I didn't post because I had it in my mind that I wanted to post "Happy" and I just couldn't do it. I wanted to post that everything is "great" and "perfect" and it is not! Truth is, it has never been. BUT that is ok! God didn't ask me or any of us to be "perfect". Hello!!!! That we are not is why we celebrate The Cross.

I really don't know why any of us try to put on such a farce. Yes our struggles may all look different, but we all have them and we all need God.

I really do believe that our transition of adding another child to our family has been relatively easy. Relatively I say. We have struggled with some issues though; like "Ole my goodness I can't sleep whenever I want anymore or I can't just pick up and go? Our girls are soon to be 17 and 21. We were by "American Standards" almost home free. Now, there are bedtimes, consistency of schedules (and for those of you who know me know to take that with a grain of salt), What I have to work my stuff around another person know; being of the fallen race, we all struggle with selfishness.

Then there is a matter of rejection or the fear of! The fear of coming unglued from those important to me. Until the 6Th month home, Dubale was not able to willing sit on my lap. My love language is physical touch. As a momma, I am "supposed to" cuddle, rock, snuggle with my children. Tim and God have been so gracious with this one. Tim has gently encouraged Dubale to grow closer to me. When Dubale would "reject" me entering the room where he and papa were or didn't want me to sit on the couch with him, Tim would say "Dubale momma is important, Dubale we love momma, we want momma to sit with us, etc teaching Dubale how to accept me as a momma. God has been so incredibly graceful in teaching me to "love Dubale" "accept Dubale" when my feelings just were not there or I was feeling rejected.
Then there is the matter of being at such different points with each of my kids. That is a challenge in and of itself. This is so powerful. They may seem trivial, but I believe that whatever it is that causes you to turn from the path that God has placed you on is so significant. I could have escaped from this bonding in a variety of different ways out of my own fear of rejection, but God is teaching me through this. In the past two weeks, I have had the awesome opportunity to rock my baby boy to sleep two times and just rock and hold him also. God is so Very Good. He knows me and you. Psstt He is the one who places those desires in us. He knows our strength and our weakness. He knows when we are going to stumble. He knows we need Him.

It's really about being obedient to God's call in our lives. Can we really make a difference in the millions of children orphaned in the world. Really? We can't change anything. We are simply called to be obedient. In order to do this we have to stay close to God. We have to search for Him. We have to be quiet, position ourselves, and listen. In doing this, God, who is the maker of all things can and will make the changes according to His will.

Would I do this all over again? You better believe it! I want to be closer to being like my Jesus every day and that takes work, laying down what is not mine to pick up in the first place, and staying closer to Him.